Nice 2 c u showing ur bro some affection
woke up to moans and hushed"we can't do this with him in here." hope they had a good time
I'm watching the Australian Open. They need to slow the fuck down. It's hard enough to follow sober and now it's just pissing me off.
you know that dress I got margarita and puke on? yeah, just returned it.
Just checked an empty cooler on the flight to Notre Dame. You don't have to tell me you're jealous, I already know.
hungover subway ride filled with german tourists and a mariachi band. too early. too fuckin early
His little brother just walked in, asked me if I'd blown his brother yet and then announced that he and his friends were going to play outside so we could play too.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
Girl, he can't tell you not to take a bump just because you work tomorrow. You're on a wedding diet, remember?
He said I took his samurai sword off his wall and proceeded to jump off his porch at people coming home from the bar.
Mind if I sleep with your cousin? If I can... thanks. If no, sorry its gonna happen.
Don't do shots out of Tostitos scoops.
now whenever i pass that house all i can think about is how i pooped in their yard..
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