Never write on a napkin "my face, your boobs" with your phone number and give it to a girl. Just a tip of the day from my nightly experiences lol.
We need to hang out more often
I love seeing the creepers that friend request me outside of facebook. its like seeing a unicorn in the middle of campus.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
She started crying. I don't think she's gotten head from a sax player before.
I'm either watching Fifth Element or Hotel Rwanda. There's black people and white people and high life tall boy 18 packs are $11.99 so I could be watching my own hand. I have no idea.
Oh it's happening. I'm Chugging a beer while sitting next to a 6 year old
Apparently I also called my credit card company to demand a credit limit increase. I'm so content with not drinking another 60 days
He asked the clerk if they sell a penis-shaped brander.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
how does 'resolution to respect myself more' follow 'he fucks me really hard'?
I'm now at a gay bar with our relatives
If you wake up with half a an eyebrow.... I'm pretty sure it was a good time.
Last night you broke a mirror, and then rolled around in the glass shards. Miraculously, there's not a scratch on you...
We're just starting to open presents and I already need a shot. This is gonna be a long Christmas day.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
