I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
Have you not heard of Jennifer's supreme lust for William Shatner? She wants to eat Taco Bell off of his love handles
There was a lot of him and a little penis
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
hey remember that 14 year old i met 5 years ago who i said i would bang 5 years from then?
Yup.
Judging by the amount of alcohol multiplied by the amount of her exes here, tonight will be ending in tears.
We just for robbed for the second time. I believe the only thing I have left to my name is my $75 dildo
Is percocet and coffee considered a balanced breakfast?
why the fuck are my pubes caked with bread crumbs?
Also his beard was very delicious looking. I wanted to touch it so bad, but I held back.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
He's not drinking on his 21st. Shooting vodka infused Nerf bullets at him would just make a mess and I don't want to be a creep and spike anything... I don't understand awkward boys
Dude, you GARGLED with bleu cheese last night!
OH MY GOD did i pee on you?!
Randomize
