Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
We had sex in the woods. It was great until some bird started mimicking my orgasm sounds
He considered it romantic when he told me mid-blow job that no matter what happens, he will "never forget how good of a dick I suck". Verbatim.
seriously, i am too high for the omelet station to be playing Being For The Benefit Of Mr Kite at 7am
I'm drinking wine alone, eating leftovers, and cleaning my sex toys. For the love of god, do not graduate.
You get drunk and try to bury your girlfriend in the sand JUST ONCE and all hell breaks loose
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
My roommate comes home screaming, I brought you home a friend! I thought she brought me a guy...no, she brought home a one-eyed shih tzu.
At 12:16 am. We just got out of the truck and went behind it and fucked. With 3 people in the truck. On the side of the road. As cars drove by.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
Jessica just ate her lipstick. That's how the night is going
I just drunk texted the Italian guy and now I’m flooded with Shane. Uh, shame, not Shane. He sounds nice, though.
I would have wore underwear last night if I knew I had to change a tire this morning
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