she doesn't hate you. She just thinks you need a personality adjustment, speech therapy and weight watchers.
So the girl I hooked up with last night pretended to be from Comcast when my girlfriend stopped by this morning. She even made a fake appointment to check her internet. Best hookup ever.
Why yes actually, getting stoned and reading an AARP magazine IS totally where I wanted my night to end!
What is a foreign vacation of stupidity without some fake names?
You were crying and singing wanted dead or alive while trying to eat cold soup, I think that pathetic is an understatement
also Jesus you really need to change your diet. I just washed your baby gravy out of my hair and it's so acidic my hair is damaged. You have killer sperm
this dude, we had a connection. he kept smiling at me. it's like he knew i was gonna facebook stalk the fuck out of him
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
So we broke my sobriety. Played life size childhood games. Broke into a cold hot tub and got laid. I think this is BFF quality!
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
I'm using the Malibu pitcher you stole from the bar to make pancakes this morning. It's actually working really well.
If there's anything my liberal arts education has taught me, it's belligerence.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
While strippers were eating ones out of my boobs, several sources claimed trump shared classified info with the russians. We should get hammered on Mondays more often, bitch.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Randomize
