TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
It was confusing and full of hummus
Even though I wasn't drunk last night, I peed in the sink just so I could keep my record going
and then you started talkingabout how you wish birth control was disspensed as a candy necklace
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
somehow I feel like "adventures with cocaine and molly" wouldn't be an appropriate "How I Spent My Spring Break" essay topic.
So, when I got arrested, they fingerprinted me. I'm getting my nails done right now and I'm pretty sure he's filing off my prints. Worth the $30.
He's thawing a cheesecake on his stomach. We're that high.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
Showed up to the airport to find my fuck buddy is on the same flight. Do you think he'd be intertested in the mile high club?
are you inviting me to ice cream?
the subtext of everything i say to you is inviting you to ice cream
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