my friend asked What a UTI was in front of everyone, letts just say his girlfriend was a lil pissed
Puking in one of the stalls, a guy ran in and started puking in the other stall... In between heaves we told each other our names; i found out that it was my old best friend that moved away in the 8th grade
my mom just poured a water bottle of wine to take my dog on a walk...
there is no way i'm buying plan b and condoms at the same time
no do it! it shows that you acknowledge your mistakes and you are proactively working towards a solution.
I woke up to the sound of a beer can being opened. I love him already
I made him sleep with a condom on and i passed out on the carpet with only a bra on.
I never thought to pass out in a hotel lobby rather then paying for a hotel room until you taught me that's acceptable at the Hilton
I'm on my fifth cocktail in twenty minutes. I don't think I will end this on two legs.
You didn't act like you were blacked out yesterday...
I didn't know
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Some guy Just sang about my ass on the street
It was terrible lyrics but I would have thrown my life savings into that guitar case if I had any.
But he's super into Jesus and I'm the devil. So we weren't meant to be
How was the party
I came home with only one shoe, a t shirt tied around my shoeless foot and I was covered in motor oil. Oh and my shorts were inside out. So you tell me
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
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