I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
Somedays I wish I were a bird. Then people wouldn't be so grossed out when I vomit
Be here at 3:30. We'll find out how much beer can fit in a Mini Cooper.
Your remote is drenched in lotion and you expect me to believe you weren't masturbating?!
His roommate just snorted a line of Smirnoff off the desk. I could really fit in here.
I'm drunk on a monday night. Not a good start to finals week
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
ttyl tear gas
These shoes are way too nice for a walk of shame. Its how I keep myself in line.
by "whatever happens, happens" i meant "we are totally hooking up again on tuesday." i thought that was obvious.
All I want to do is shower, but there is a keg in there.
Exactly best part of my night he took of his shirt and surprise traveler fanny pack
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Because you put the dick in ridiculously amazing boyfriend. And you deserve to have nice things happen to your penis. That's why.
Let’s be real here. NOTHING says Real Adulting like rolling a J on your line of credit paperwork.
Randomize
