I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
when im not freaking out about dying alone and unloved, i actually really enjoy being single
Still drunk and leading the team through the 9am sales meeting. I'm pretty sure this is why there aren't more 26year-olds in management.
I cannot believe how calm you were last night about telling Katie she was on fire.
hes a good boy he deserves a good blow
We should probably just have a threeway and get everyone on the same page.
I can't wait for round whatever # we're on tonight.
This is the high leading the old right now
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
You. Me. Frosting and a bed. Lets do this.
I am an advanced cybernetic robot sent back in time to 2013 to fuck my wife senseless for hours on end. Have you seen this wife?
Eddy, if you don't want to roll play then say so. This is just obnoxious
Being engaged is strange. I looked at my cock this morning and said, "we did alright these last 32 years, right?"
it was so good i reconsidered my staunch atheism
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
Come home... I’m drinking and playing with knives
Randomize
