Drunk in some girls audi what the fuck is happenin i love sb
it's ELEVEN
thirty
imagine if the morning after your status automatically updated with the name of the person you hooked up with
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Walt I've been the third wheel taking shotssssssssssssssssolo. Each s is for each solo shot.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
this is worse than the time i threw up a condom.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
Did you make me take pictures of your ass last night because you fucked on some wet paint or did i dream that?
My mascara kind of smells like tequila to me...Is this my body crying for help or asking for a shot?
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
I think I won an award for shitting and vomiting at the same time.
I know you’re not my dad, but you’re someone’s dad. You’re also like a second dad to me as well. And one who I send nudes to as well. Happy Father’s Day
Randomize