tfor prom could you pick me up wo bottles of champagne and a condom, please?
i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
Best walk of shame ever. Not only did I not remember his name or the fact that we fucked, they all watched as I tried to get into 3 cars that werent mine
Oh and I threw up on myself...
Absolutely. Last time I signed up for a softball league I had sex with my high school economics teacher.
I FUCKING SERVED PEOPLE AND POURDED JUGS AND GOT FREE BEEEEEEEERERTERRY
Oh my god what did I do. My hands are scraped, there are pickles on the floor, my clothes are wet, and I don't remember how I get here. Thank you.
Your girlfriend is in jail- I've just never been able to use that in a sentence before. Thank you both!
Do you think it's illegal to work at a bar if you're on probation for a DUI? I need a night job where I can meet men.
I love you too! Remember NO alcohol or weed at my residence because of legal ramifications.
Well you were hungry, by then you cried and called yourself a basic bitch for eating crackers
Never thought having a box of Cheerios could get me laid. My new lucky charm hello girl in 2B
What'd I miss?
Erotic hypnosis and studded dog collars.
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
I no longer have the means to support both a women and an alcohol addiction
Let’s not dwell on the negatives. I have a fat ass and suck dick well.
Randomize
