I've come to the conclusion that if I was an old man, I would perve around in short gym shorts for kicks.
wait.. the condom broke. ehh whatever i think im already 2 months pregnant
Was just shown the photos from a professional photoshoot my aunt had for their dog...not drunk enough for this...
my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
threw up in the library. i should be embarrassed, but i'm willing to bet that i'm one of the first so i'm kinda proud.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
He just called me juicy booty via text message.
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Are you the reason I woke up without pants?
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
She's nice. But even when I am with her I am thinking of her mom, literally the hottest woman on earth.
Randomize
