Old men and throwing up are my life now.
Well, it's 24 hours till finals. I need high A's on all of them and I still am not sure where exactly on campus most of my classes took place.
You kept running into the wall most of the night. When people asked you what you were doing you told them you were the kool-aid man and there was little kids on the other side of the wall who needed your juice
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
I found my phone outside under the leaves by the curb. What the fuck did I do last night
You crawled through a doggy door 5 times for a shot if cheap vodka.
You screamed "she never feeds them anyway" and threw the fish tank off the 3rd floor balcony. Don't park on our side of the building.
so hungover ... i gave my nephew five bucks to go blow bubbles for an hour in the kitchen.
i'll booty call him tonight after the radiohead concert, that way he can see his favorite band and his favorite vagina all in one night.
Hey texans ride hard. He should have known what he was in for when I asked to sit on his face. The broken nose was a BADGE he just earned.
Don't they also have a lot of serious head injuries?
I didn't say I wanted to marry one of them. Or that I want one to perform surgery on me. I just want to have hot, dirty, MMA style sex.
Oh no that was the time I did the walk of shame with no shoes
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
He stopped mid-fuck to explain his choice in pillows. HE WAS STILL IN ME!
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