halloween makes it hard to decipher real cops... from sexy men dressed up as them.
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
Just heard a guy on the phone saying " ya ill buy the eight ball " then came to my register to ask what asile the sugar substitute is on.
Sorry for scaring your son with my drunken animal impressions
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
And PS thanks for calling it my "sexual liberation" and not "slut fest 2010: part deux!"
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
You better not fucking die before we have sex while you blow fire. I'm serious. Don't mess up my sexual bucket list.
Also, I am ligit concerned that I might compulsively start collecting vibrators like Pokemon.
I never appreciated sexting until I went to rehab
So bored. I think I've expelled every last gram of jizz from my body.
Saying someone's good at giving head is like saying someone is good at pouring juice like there is that one girl who will spill it everywhere but for the most part it's not that hard to be good at
Check your mailbox. I left a "sorry I didn't have time to suck your dick today" consolation gift.
apparently in the middle of sex, i said "i just really love the food network i watch it every day"
is it fun? or sober?
Randomize
