Kanye's agent is the only person whose job sucks worse than mine.
Hey. Did u tell any1 that I use Nuvaring?
Cuz 1 of ur bf's frat bros just asked me if I wanted to "play ring toss later"
She had to put it in. I told her I was too drunk and didnt trust myself to not put it in her ass.
the weed was in a baggy that had little penguins on it. i am so excited you have no idea
I'm flagged. Drank strippers water. Flashed Dave tryin to get a job here. You order the shots. Green tea betch.
Getting business cards printed for tonight. Would you rather be: 1. Vice President of Argentina 2. Celebrity Dental Assistant or 3. Dial-Up Internet Technician
3. Dial-Up Internet Technician.
Is it possible to dent your eyeball? And how do you "accidentally" go cosmic bowling?
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
If you haven't gone to the store yet. Can you PLEASE get me some clippers my balls will thank you later
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
I'm pretty sure I just gave myself third degree burns from punching my pizza.
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
He put your tit in his mouth. Professionalism is out the window after that.
okay valid
LOOK AT HOW SMOOTH THIS BITCH IS
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