I'm lost and stupid without you.
she told me she had a boyfriend but the alcohol told me she didn't
It's all fun and games until the last slice of pizza gets bong water spilled on it.
I was totally going to sleep with him, until he got naked and started swinging around his boner singing "I'm so hard. oh yeah yeah yeah, I'm so hard" like Rihanna.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I saw the video from Saturday. So, how much did I drink for me to think I was a duck and strip my clothes?
Totally just sport flirted the shit out of a girl on a wheelchair. I've done my good deed for the day.
What do I wear to meet his family/put his dog to sleep? Is there even an appropriate outfit for this occasion?
My month off booze swimsuit season diet plan is working well. Plus I'm learning so much about my house, did you know a girl named Meagan lives here?
if drunk means calling me and asking to borrow the game of life at 2am then I think you were drunk
Go forth my friend, but don't do any of that fruitful and multiplying shit.
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
You sent me a naked picture of you as a child? How is that normal
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
Randomize
