anyone who says 'i love you' and then followed by 'im going to call the cops if you touch me' doesnt really mean the first part fyi
noo you weren't that drunk. you just knocked the grill over and couldn't get the key in the door, so you climbed through the window. success.
Okay, lets just agree to keep all cutlery related activities to a minimum.
Hold on, I gotta pump breast milk for the white russians.
They're doing shots to celebrate every 15 minutes passing. You can come get them.
The spark has left our relationship. i used to make slightly inflammatory jokes at you. you would retaliate in jest. look at this. look at what is happening here.
He walks in. We each have a tiki torch. We say, the tribe has spoken. We put his out and then stab him with it.
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
Side note: Hot guys are now getting with ugly chicks. Alert the media.
I don't go out. I live in my room watching Bridget Jones and thanking my vibrator for existing.
In two separate occurrences, I could have avoided getting my heart broken, and chlamydia, all with a left swipe.
That's a really terrible idea.
Awesome I'm gonna do it then, thanks for the input
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
If you can wrestle my underwear off of me, you can top. It'll be like using an amulet in Legends of the Hidden Temple. Instead of not getting captured, you don't get fucked in the ass.
Randomize