bar tonight had a doorbell to get in and last night i saw my neighbors fuck on the balcony, she wore a nurse outfit. Missouri isn't so bad...
im trying to catch a child molester. call you later.
We were walking home when he passed out, we left him. Just got a call from him, hes in a jail in Canada.
Your ass just called me, someone was yelling "awful waffle" and also, " I don't know who's hands are who's anymore"
We gotta make a movie eventually. All good, long-lasting relationships include a homemade porno
Wow that was a lesbian tornado.
What if this is the rest of my life? Sitting at the bar waiting for someone to play Single Ladies
If it looks really sketchy and smells like burnt pizza and pot you're in the right place
Decided in my tanked state last night purchase 2 weeks worth of xanax, so I can guess my way thru this week and finals. Soberly, I decided it would be a great way to test my knowledge of finance.
Was that you I seen riding on the top of a cab? Way to start the new year
Do to my newly discovered condition I'm having to resort to emergency beat sessions to avoid the temptation to text girls I know are easy slams.
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
He called me dainty, then fucked me like the Viking God he is.
I feel slightly un-patriotic right now... I just got cock blocked by the Air Force!
We all just got ice cream, condoms, and toilet paper now were gonna go home and watch movies as a family.
Condoms?
Randomize
