some girl had on jean underwear. i hate america.
Saw a guy in a chef outfit covered in mustard talking jiberish into his phone running across the skywalk.
The good news is the bleeding stopped. I think I'm going to sober up before I tell you the bad news though.
No, i went to get it done but the guy couldnt find it. exhibit A of why i wanted a clit piercing in the first place.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
Woke up to a sex noise notice under my door...he gets a A+ for proformance and ill be seeing him again.
Had a guy offer me a shot. But he wimped out when I asked for tequila and instead ordered gummi bear shots. I don't think he has balls. I didn't stick around to find out.
Hey, I took a sweater from your house. And, um, your little brother's virginity.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I think I blacked out after I decided drinking alone on the trailered jetskis was a good idea
Better safe and shitfaced than hungover and in need of another surgery.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
On the shuttle bus from the Casino the driver refused to take us to the strip club so you said "let me off this bus or ill puke on you".
yeah but really his dick tasted like soap. like i was blowing a bar of soap
Come on baby if you haven't had a Charleston chew eatin out of your ass you just ain't livin right.
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