dude i just saw the hottest 13 year old but she was kinda ghetto.
just woke up face down in my kitchen covered in cheetos. my mom just stepped over me to get to the coffee maker. hello summer
12 garbage cans filled with water, a beer can floating in every garbage can, 20 ft. apart and you shoot with dodge balls..and thats only how the night began
Im drinking a large pickle jar full of Emergency, water and left over pickle juice and I dont care.
It's amazing how many friends she makes simply by carrying that flask of whiskey everywhere she goes.
we can add 'stealing hydrangeas from the sign in front of the credit union because we're too poor to have all of the flower arrangements professionally done' to my list of maybe-felonies
If I get laid, we are framing that mattress and hanging it on the wall as the place we both lost our virginities.
OH YEAH AND FORGOT TO THANK YOU FOR THE lack of WARNING THAT HE WASN'T CIRCUMSIZED.
I mean I don't object to weird looking penis as long as it gets the job done. I just need to get it in. I'm gonna be humping chairs soon.
Don't worry, the house smells like waffles more than sex
I'm sorry I came to your house drunk and fed pizza to your dog.
I can never have sex in Utah again. The altitude had me breathing like a fat kid going up stairs.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
ITS THE FIRST FRIDAY NIGJT AFTER MOVING IN WITH THE NEW ROOMIE AND I ACTUALLY JIST RIPPED MY TAMPON OUT AND THREW IT IN THE NEIGHBORS YARD WERE GOINF ON THE BOAT AND SLEPEING IN HIS AMBULANCE GOODNIGHT
And then I was like pick your blow job song and he choose the sonic the hedgehog theme song. If he's not the one no one is.
Randomize
