every time i drive by the road she lives on, i scream in the car "i'm sorry i'm sleeping with your boyfriend!" makes me feel less whore-y.
every time you feel disappointed with the red wings take a shot
You bring the bicep workout. I'll bring the unscented gentle products. We'll both bring our penises.
You made me wash my hair in the kitchen sink while eating bay leaves
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
We didn't have a blender so we made the margaritas by running over a garbagebag full of ice with the car and then stirring it with a knife in a French-press coffee pot. CAN YOU SAY RESOURCEFUL?
Me. blonde. Sex. Dance floor.
Things were easy when he was just a penis. Now he's a penis with feelings.
You know you're hung-over when you're smoking and have the strong urge to eat the cigarette. No more buckets of gin. No. More. Ever.
I swear she looks like a sloth.... I'll toss a coin...
I don't know what I'm more pleased with, the blowie last night or that fact that there's still 20 dollars in my wallet
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
of fours songebofy did dknt stop believing
how legible are my texts
You think your roommate is bad? The guy they paired me with is such a nerd, his very presence at a party blocks every cock in the room.
Why is it pressure? I want to see your cute face and possibly sit on it. You make it like its a bad thing.
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