So are you the girl that gave me herpes? or was that the girl from the night before
and im sitting here waiting for them to work on my car. in a room full of men. that are too old for me. its like a sausage fest nightmare...
I sharted in my sleep... I didnt even think that was possible.
From the trajectory of the puke, I must have fallen off the top bunk while trying to vomit, due to the dented bucket, ruined carpet, and bruised dignity I now own.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
He blew a load on his roommates pillow just to piss him off. Why did you introduce me to these people?
I am not kidding you. There is an airport luggage cart overturned in my driveway. We need to stop going to the airport bar.
So hungover. Sitting in class about to puke during this ladys flute performance. Not sure why were having a flute concert in biology
Seriously, I am going to crawl in a hole, sew my vagina shut, and spit acid on any man that comes near me.
Invite that kid who wants to become a priest. I WANT ON.
It wasnt until i started dancing that i realized i pissed myself dude. I dont think shes gonna call me back.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
you went to ralph's and bought all of their pears and left them outside my house
Want ramen today?
I need a salad
SALAD DOESNT WARM YOUR HEART AND BELLY
St. Patty's shenanigans tmrw? I wanna meet dudes lol. Why stop at coronavirus when you can get the clap, too?
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