This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
Is there anything medically wrong with drinking beer from a vagina?
How did the beer even get there in the first place?
That's not what's important right now
you're letting him buy you a plane ticket...to kentucky...so you can fuck him?
i know. i'm only adding to the interstate sex trade problem.
I just figured out that you can toast a marshmallow with a butter knife and a cigarette lighter. I'm like a retarded Mister Wizard
If anyone ask I'm rushing for brotherhood, not so that this bartender will suck my dick
he said he wished i had balls so he could kick me in them. then we had sex obviously
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
While the bouncer was checking my purse, he found a bag of pasta noodles in it and asked me why I put them in my purse. I said to him: "So the guy knows I can cook."
I should not be this drunk in a place where a girl is wearing a princess dress
No feeling is better than coming home from your booty call and putting on a fresh pair of granny panties
I just need to get a little drunker before I realize I'm not straight
new low: I blocked him from seeing my snapchat story in hopes he will text me because he'll be afraid I'm dead or something
Danny put 5 hr energy in the jungle juice (that brilliant bastard) and I almost showed my penis to Alex. It was a rough night.
Randomize
