remember last night when you and I took turns yelling THIS IS HUGE in my dogs faces? I love wine night.
Im going home to examine my vagina with a hand mirror. wish me luck.
DR UNK TOWN USA
TEAM USA GO AMERICA
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
so when our kids ask "when did you know you loved mommy?" you're gonna say "when she sent me emoticons about slobbing on my knob?"
My car windows are covered in lube. Happy 4th of July!
cops tried arresting me on the way to class this morning.. this is my life.
I got really upset about missing him last night when I was demonstrating penis sizes of the people I've slept with using a tape measurer to my roommates
For the first time in my 26 years of life, I'm washing jizz out of my ponytail.... High five yourself later.
and then I said "oh, I see the price of Plan B has gone up". and the pharmacist looked at me very sadly. I was just trying to make conversation.
holy shit the woman im hooking up with is closer to my moms age than my own
You had to dry your pants with the hand dryer in the bathroom because you "forgot to take it out."
sarah's view on last night: a threesome to make things less awkward. oh, well done.
Why is the microwave staring at me?!
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
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