I wish i could convert my hornyness to productiveness. I would have written a fucking book by now.
he yelled 'rock me amadeus!' when he came
i love that song!
NOT THE POINT
I was still in a towel. We hadn't even started drinking yet and the champagne bottle dropped and exploded literally up into my vagina.
uh, 3 redbulls and 400mg of caffeine pills and i still feel like life is in slowmotion..lets not take tranquilizers again.
You said that my dog would "complete your puzzle" then you got naked and took it behind the bar
I accidentally sent him a snapchat of my boobs and now we're going on a date tomorrow... Could be worse.
ANNA HAS DISCOVERED EROTIC FANFICTION OF SHARKNADO THIS IS NOT A DRILL
The last thing I searched on my phone was "leave in conditioner on cats." This is where my life is.
when we woke up this morning she was missing two teeth. the front two.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
I want to see a guy holding a pizza and a bottle of scotch and a box of magnums. I'm a simple woman.
In Texas. Drank way too much wine. Puked in a gallon zip lock bag. Passed out at 445 with the ENTIRE family here. Got up at 745 in time for dinner. I made you proud!!!
At least your wife cheated on you. Women will feel bad for you. In a month there will boy bands that are jealous of your dick
Was cussing out our DD when one of the strippers takes him backstage. WTF
They call him magic hands is all I know.
Somethings are best left a mystery
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