I'm peeing chunks and puking liquid. Did I at least have fun last night?
i feel like even strangers are annoyed with me because of how drunk i was last night
All i learned in high school was how to sell drugs
i am already firmly committed to doing irish carbombs w/ 12 different people, and the st pattys day party doesnt start for another 24 hours. i may die
we literally spent four hours convincing you that all 5 of your toes were there. no more everclear on a tuesday.
All I remember from last night is petting the broom with my feet and feeling like I was standing on a horses head
3pm strippers are depressing
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
I had to have the guy I went out with last night come pick me up from the hotel the next morning after I ditched him for a firefighter..don't even talk to me about a walk of shame
Woke up in a sombrero and a males speedo. Tequila makes normal peoples clothes fall off, however it makes me fall into a questionable identity crisis
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
I told her I had a small penis. Then replied if Peter Pan won with a dagger then so can I
I smell like cowboy sweat. I got two lap dances. This is the best day of my life!
He's ruined me. Do you know how frustrating it is to know I'll never find another guy as tall and handsome and rich with as big of lips & booty, and cock as him who also rims and takes me on tropical vacations and buys me all the cocaine.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
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