Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
He's totally hot and awesome. And he's a Democrat
Good, so he won't mind when you kill the baby.
Party in the USA is so catchy!
Yea, so is AIDS.
I don't know how it happened, one minute we were talking about Huck Finn, the next minute I was blowing him behind the corner of his apartment building.
I answered the door to some Jehovah Witnesses hungover and wearing nothing but a white tshirt. I think they made it the church goal to reform me, we've gotten four pamphlets. My mom's going to make me convert if they keep coming.
I was to drunk to walk in jimmy john's so I called and got a pickle delivered to me outside the bar , too much?
The hot tub didn't work. But it's okay because we discovered just how many people you can fit in a bathtub.
I'm home alone for the next hour and a half, I expect soup and and a willing attitude to do drugs from one of or both of you girls.....annnnnd go
I was stalking his twitter and saw that he used punctuation in a hashtag. Thank god we didn't work out because I can't be with someone that incompetent
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
You would only karaoke to Spanish songs, but sang with the accent of the french candle stick in beauty and the beast.
Dude, if that was the MLB player I think it was leaving your bedroom this morning please tell me you got his autograph. It could pay the rent for like six months.
It's Jesse McGoddamn Cartney, the whole world sings that shit
2 weeks into this dating someone with money thing and I already don't know if I can go back to the being poor life
Today has been hell. Also I saw a dead man's penis. It's safe to say I will be getting very drunk tonight.
Randomize
