i'm sick of taking my pants off and seeing a look of disappointment on the girls face. i want her to be frigthened
Do you know a sam ****, im at the bar right now and lookin for some dirt on her to guilt trip her in to sex
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Its only.eleven and we are already chasing a man on a bike with a bag full of burger king
She wanted to to do it on top of a horse, I can't compete with that
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
last night he took my thong off with his teeth... god bless champagne
Can I steal her, take her home, and feed her only vodka?
I realize designer coke was a douchey thing to say but the point of the story is I did bath salts
I can only get day drunk because of my medicine now, so... There's that
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I almost stopped mid bj to let him know I appreciated his balls being nice to look at/have my face near. But I didn't know if that would ruin, or improve the moment.
I prefer to think of hangovers as extreme sobriety, which can only be cured by more booze
I’m getting back at my ex and training my new boy toy how to properly satisfy a woman. I’m killing two birds with one dick.
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