I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
me and ur bf were arguing about whether coke was vegan. i really hope it's vegan
girl you didnt miss much. except me passing out for 3 hours AT JOBBIE NOONER on some random's boat. i was topless, then completely naked. heard girls were throwing ice cubes at me. i was useless. remember nothing.
Someone told me that drinking would get me no where in life. Drinking has gotten me everywhere in life.
I'm at the laundry mat. This guy is here showing me his ankle monitor. The weird ones always find me.
The chance that I have herpes may have made me find god
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Are you alive?
I woke up under the pier.
He goes to Columbia so regardless of how he looks I should fuck him right?
No man we're leaving now. The party will probably be busted soon. O and a bitch started throwing knives around the place, like real actual knives.
Tomorrow's Mother's Day and the only thing I can afford is beer and the McDonalds dollar menu. Do you think a Budweiser and a Big Mac says thank you for me fucking up your life since 1990?
It's like jay gatsby himself preordained that our genitals meet again.
WAIT this kid is eating yogurt with a fucking ladle. what is happening?
Randomize
