you left a giant bottle of vodka in my room from last night. does this serve as a parting gift or hush money?
If we have to be apart I understand. Being separated is probably best for our relationship now. I look forward to our booty calls.
That sound you heard was the sound of millions of brackets exploding simultaneously
I just used a coupon while buying plan B. The pregnant sales clerk nodded in approval.
i'm sorry for cheering you on when you were making out with him. i was just celebrating the fact he was decent looking for once
According to the stories I've heard I decided I was a stuntman after my 6th shot of Jack
im pretty sure this vending machine only exists when im drunk
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
just found out i can blow out the flame on the grill lighter fill my mouth with butane and ignite a fireball
Weekend plan is a big bag of dope, delivery food, Bollywood marathon and masterbating my dick raw.
I feel like if tampons weren't meant to be microwaved, they'd have a warning on the box, so we should be okay...
For context, I was hiding under the pong table mooing at everyone by that point.
You will bone me until my eyeballs fall out. This is not a request.
I just stood beside an Amish man and bought Cocoa Krispies and tampons.
how do you know everyone's mad at you?
I just woke up feeling shameful
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