clay aiken is like melissa ehteridge without the guitar.
i just sent this text using only my big toe
im trying to pick out the cookie crumbs from my adderall. it is a lot harder than it seems.
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
unrelatedly i think im gonna download boogie nights just to see mark wahlberg's penis
So, we're going at it on the sink when a German kid walks in and starts brushing his teeth. I love hostel sex.
I was fucking the girl and her best friend walked in on us. She said we looked thirsty, got us a glass of water, and poured it down both of our throats. It was like... sex bottle service
It's sad that the best source of heat that I have is my vaporizer.
It's not slutty if it's for workout purposes...right?
God, for the last time, no I did not break my nose doing a keg-stand just for a nose job.
Theres a freshman smoking a pipe on campus. This new class is setting a new standard we're not ready for
And after that you guys started calling arbor mist "breakfast juice"
I had to run home with my hands covering my tits this morning. How does this keep happening?
She left a blanket, pillow, a glass of water, and two advils in the bathroom for me. It's like she knew. Best room mate ever.
I think one of your friend's offered my friend chicken tenders back at his place...just FYI he should probably come up w/ another line
Randomize