I think i sorta joined a cult last night
You just kept saying over and over "Tell me I won't do it." Someone finally told you you won't. You did. Welcome to herpes.
I wish i could 80s montage me losing weight
Thank God I did Vegas bombs with those cops at their Christmas party. We should so be in jail.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
My roommate was being an ass so I put everyone's drinks/shots on his tab for the entire night. Then when we left he was telling me how he got out cheaper than last time.
And. I know i am a gay man cause when i saw the pic of his cock his feet were in it and i am like what the fuck?
you stole two subs and a drink from jimmy johns and walked out yelling "get at me bitches"
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
That's what you get for doing kinky shit with a guy that lives in his moms basement.
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
Well, we ended up labeling the relationship. We are now each other's designated butt-toucher.
And then you two got up and shouted in near perfect unison "I'M ALWAYS A SLUT FOR BASKIN ROBBINS" The bar just looked at us horrified.
we're so committed to being not committed
My cat is sitting in the window watching the neighbor's dogs doing it. I think she's lonely too.
Randomize
