Vanillla milkshakes are the new Gold Bond. Will explain later.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
THE PICTURE OF PEPPERMINT MOCHA MADE ME WANT TO TOUCH MYSELF
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
i never thought i could drink so much vodka in 8 minutes
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
The Mole People would help. They are a kind, helpful people, the Mole People are.
Mole people?
Mole people
Eating a TV dinner and watching Goosebumps on Netflix, the sad, sad title of my autobiography.
If I just skip sleeping, does hangover still happen? Gonna try it. Will report back. StTAND BY
I don't really feel bad about it, but I legit just squirted in the back of an Uber and it makes me think how many times has this happened before?!?!
Even with help how did you paint a bullseye around your asshole?
That is priceless. You walk into her house, fuck her husband and demand Chinese food. Your an inspiration to us all.
Randomize
