so the chest pain/shortness of breath/overdose guy we just took to tm hospital is now running down market street from the police in a gown holding his iv.
Woke up this morning at my parent's house. No idea how I got here... what happened last night? Was it bad?
We using my standards or yours?
well he showed me a naked baby picture and i was right it hasn't grown
Alright I don't know how you'll link it to me but yes I left a nearly empty 12 pack on your trunk
Those people having sex on the beach kept looking over at you guys throwing his shoes at the seagulls.
You brought us all personal gifts you had stolen from the party and bellowed "hoes hoes hoes, clepto Santa loves you"
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
You can't play that off as role play thing. You held my hips and kept yelling "put a baby in me!" That shit ain't cool.
At what point did you realize I was getting blown under the table during our dominos game?
I’m almost positive this girl is drinking a mojito in class right now, if so she’s my new hero
You are cordially invited to the annual finals week stress relief drinking binge at our manor this evening
My fuck buddy and I talked about Amelia Bedilia for ten minutes before having sex. I think I'm in love.
I just balanced a full glass of chocolate milk on my left boob. Don't think i've ever been more proud.
THREE MINUTES! THREE MINUTES PAST MIDNIGHT I STSRT HEARING CHRISTMAS MUSIC ON THE OVERHEAD PA SYSTEM!!!
Randomize
