I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
so sad. i just ate the last good 'n' plenty out of the bottom of my purse.
Passed out for 3 hrs til now to wake up naked on my bed covered with grass from drunk slip and slide I would call that success
You were petting your shoe and saying this makes me really happy
She soaked the fruit in vodka for ten minutes and then mixed it with normal fruit and sherbert icecream. It was called "lottery fruit".
This is absurd. I need a man. Or even a moderately-clean hobo will do at this point.
she crawled under her car and passed out. Unfortunately her feet were sticking out and someone called 911 because they thought she had been run over.
If a hot cougar texts u and says "back massage, blow job".... you show the fuck up.
Starting the day with sex, coffee and productivity are what the founding fathers intended
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
You know you were way drunk when you wake up at 7 AM halfway on a couch, tangled in a sheet with your shoes still on.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
You don't know being judged until its 7:30 in the morning and you're on 2 hours of sleep halfway between drunk and hungover wearing pajama pants at an international airport while saying how proud you are that you found the airport's bar immediately and how disappointed you are that it's closed
I was in the rappers prayer circle. Then they're blunt circle
I need a hoe opinion
go on
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