So we were in the middle of hooking up when he stopped me. I thought he was having a moral dilemma about the whole having a girlfriend thing. But no. He got down on all fours, butt naked, and started throwing up and farting simultaneously. I took it as my cue to leave.
She came to work with 6 additional layers of make-up, playing every Nickelback song about explicit teen sex, and with a dozen twinkies she bet she could finish without chewing any. I'm investing in a rape whistle.
i just unintentionally masturbated to my own facebook picture
six shots in, he is hammered and doing stretches before each shot
Being back home for the summer opens up so many opportunities to have sex without increasing my number
The bartender asked if I wanted a to-go cup for my crown and coke.....I just realized I'm back in Montana and fuck did I miss home.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
Its the anniversary of our epic NBA All-star game weekend. The night the two of us cashed a 30-pack while watching the dunk contest
I partied with a deaf mute last night. strangely enough the more drunk I get the easier it is to understand him.
I told people at my moms bar that all I needed to sober up was to get my asshole licked, and I blame you 110%.
Could you just like have a friend who feels bad for me and secretly always wanted to have sex with me
There is a high pitched squealing noise coming from somewhere in my house. I hope it's a gas leak cause I'm over this week man.
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
If you think I'm not petty enough to drive to your house at 3 in the goddamn morning just to punch you, you underestimate me.
I need like a billion tiny bottles of alcohol to put in the patron pinatas
Randomize
