the bitch is dead man
YOUR DOG DIED?
no i meant my mom has passed out .. so i'll be over soon.
when I forget a girls name in bed I ask her her middle name then tell her i'm gonna call her that from now on
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
They should make a Rosetta Stone that allows men to understand what the fuck women are actually trying to say.
a stripper queefed in my friends mouth last night and it reminded me of you. miss you
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
We stopped her at 12
12 shots? Or 12 midnight?
Which answer would freak you out less
We all told you to throw up but you just stuck your head in the toilet and screamed..
He referred to his penis as "a gentle giant" and said I had offended it
She told me I made the cut, and to write my name and number on the white board by the door. I was the 7th number down.
Idk I somehow continue to get laid by pulling my dick out and reciting the 3 world country orphan kid commercials
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Just opened up the freezer to find chocolate penis popsicles. Too hungover for this shit
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
just bought myself a "your about to get violated in every way so you deserve this chipotle" steak bowl.
Randomize
