roommate just walked in on us. two and a half times. the half, she just knocked, sighed, and walked away.
I just spent an unhealthy amount of money overnighting a full adult sized Trix Rabbit Halloween costume
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Don't try to dry clothes in the microwave. They'll catch on fire.
Now accepting hypotheses about how i managed to get a bruise between my boobs....
He's only a freshman and he needs to expirence shit like that..
YOU would be the Freshman Expirence
somehow this turned into a costume party you have to get here now with my banana suit or I'm wearing my birthday suit
My cat was watching porn with me. Weirdest bonding experience ever.
I've been buying my puppy dildos for chew toys. I can't wait till a girl comes over and my dog is gnawing on a giant black cock
I think they make you graduate because you get too old to go hard and become a risk. homecoming weekend wins again. fuck.
Actually it's really just going to be me drunk in your living room swinging from a pole on a tuesday morning.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
just woke up with nickles taped to my body. theres like a dollar worth.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
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