You're so nebulous sometimes
What's wrong?
Long week. Sore muscles. Bad back. Hangover. Mini-keg. Crazy ex-wife. Unavailable love-interest. Dead celebrity families. Republicans.
Pussy.
A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"
Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...
I think the puke all over the side of my car actually improves its appearance.
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
Consider it an appointment to improve my blow job capabilities.
Two things: Why did I wake up in a pool of blood? And am I still invited to the wedding?
No idea. And yes be here at 4
So I just noticed that my last drunk google search before going to bed last night was "ghosts based on gays." I have no idea what that's supposed to mean
It would be magical, all 2 min of it.
if anyone asks you the platypus in my bathtub is a gift...thats all anyone needs to know
Let me atleast have my coffee before you start talking about your penis
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
my favorite part was when you kept waving @ that guy and insisiting it was your cousin..and it wasnt and wondering why he wasnt waving back lol you were legit PISSED
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