3:38a: you guys up to anything right now?
You know why I moved here? No public intoxication law. A cop just helped me from my bent over vomit pose, asked if I was ok, and gave me a ride home.
When he grabbed my tits it felt like he was either giving me a mammogram or trying to pierce my nipples with his fingers.
i was debating whether to load antoher bowl when i realized i was holding a sandwich in one hand and a cookie in the other. and laughing.
Russians do not operate on the same level as the rest of us. hoping I wake up tomorrow
Amazon.com "suggested" I buy both nipple clamps and opera gloves.
did i make more ranch sandwiches last night
you had 4
Sometimes in life you just have to realize the security deposit isn't worth it.
ALL I WANT FOR CHRISTMAS IS FOR YOU TO SHUT THE FUCK UP FOR ONCE
It's Friday you fucking nerd of course I'm drunk.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
I ate at the cafeteria for the first time yesterday and today I think I had an hour long fart.
Randomize
