forecast for tonight is alcohol, low standards and poor decisions.
i was so high that i was eating crumbs of my bed only to realize they were fuzz thingies. fml.
i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i scrubbed and i still was a whore
He's pole dancing on a heat lamp.
I woke up in the penthouse and did lines off the to of the fireplace. This is not real.
Have fun at school today. Try to hide that you're a whore. The other girls will like you better that way.
Are you sighing at your phone and judging me right now?
You're welcome to join, but just to warn you, tequila makes my clothes disappear. And I'm telling you that as an adult to an adult, not as your supervising teacher who decides whether or not you graduate.
David pulled a magic mike again and started stripping on every street sign we passed.
Of the two of us, which one has licked a drag queen's tit in the past 5 days?
i had an epiphany while laying on the driveway for 5 hours yesterday.
i realized i waste a lot of time
I'm gonna send you a dick pic now just so your uncomfortable at work
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
I put on a tiger onsie to initiate sex... It worked
its liver damage thursday
Randomize
