Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i lost my phone in the process of getting a condom out of my hair
I just woke up naked clutching a Taco Bell bag.
it's like a replay of two fridays ago...except not in a motel and i'm not having sex in the shower.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
All i remember is Liz dragging me home yelling at me, crying, and barfing
You thought your socks were broken. They were just inside out.
Why am I wearing a dog collar
Only way we could keep you from running in to traffic.
He fucked me so hard my nail polish actually chipped. I'm keeping him.
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
It took like and hour to get him in me and then he came in like 2min. Size aint everything
Coffee and girl scout cookies. Breakfast of champions.
Get fucked.
He cut off part of his middle finger playing the knife game while singing The Knife Game Song at the top of his lungs. He also scream like a girl when his finger hit the floor and he realized he fucked up.
I hate when he takes the condom off to cum all over me. It defeats the purpose.
It’s like having a barf bag and choosing to puke in your own lap.
Randomize