My STD test came back clean. I'd like to thank all the guys I've slept with, they made this possible. I want to say thanks to all my friends, for believing in me living up to the full slut potential. And last but not least, I'd like to thank alcohol. I wouldn't be who I am today w/out you. I feel like I need to frame this...
i just sold back the books i vomitted on
you spent the night getting lap dances from a stripper with a c-section scar then ended up at a one room casino by the airport and you say you're too good to blaze and see pirahna 3d? bullshit
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
So I walk in and he's teaching someone in London via Skype how to roll a blunt. I have new found respect for him.
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
after attempting to eat a candy cane bigger than my hand i have determined there's no way to eat this that doesn't seem erotic
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
WHAT HAS MY LIFE COME TO I'M MAKING A SCARF FOR A PENIS
Tried to shave my legs but the rug burn on my knees from last night got in the way.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
What's with guys asking if I wanna "kick it" like I'm some fucking 19 year old
the girls would appreciate it if you invited over some drunk, single, straight men with low standards.
I'm so hungry and so lazy that I'm seriously considering ripping into that packet of cream cheese in my nightstand.
Randomize
