Yes, I fucked her, no she wasn't that loose, yes she caused more drama than a 14 year old girl
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
not to mention it took an hour of antique roadshow to calm my dick down
Didn't I tell you I have developed a shameless theory about farting anywhere and everywhere? I'm too pretty so no one suspects me.
Dude I'm riding a fucking tortoise this is awesome you should come with me more often
I'm trying to seductively eat these M&M's to let her know its on
you were drunkenly making out with a 20-something in front of your wife. at least the guy your wife left with was decent looking.
That's like.....u just dangled a sex carrot in front of me then took it away!
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I forgot my backup drink is supposed to be pedialyte and vodka. Add in the shit I'm losing as I drink. Win-Win right?
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
You're always so late and I'm always so drunk.
We are the best cocktail. We look appealing, taste amazing, and ruin lives.
Dude, I totally just made my launch phrase on my new phone "Wingardium Leviosa" so that when people try it and it doesn't work I can say, "It's leveeOHsa, not leveeoh-SA."
I baked a frozen pizza completely, put it back in the plastic and box, and put it back in the freezer. THAT drunk.
Randomize
