apparently the officer said last night, "son, why don't you do yourself a favor and spread your legs so you don't keep vomiting on them". why can't I remember those nights?!
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He came to my house drunk at two a.m., got in the hot tub, refused to get out until he smoked a blunt, and said "That's what brothers and sisters are for."
the whole story woulnd't be so depressing if i had made out with ANYONE but the piano player.
When I was leaving this morning he gave me some candy off his floor to prove he was a nice guy... He definitely knows the way to my heart. Best one night stand ever
God gave me a talent besides one night stands. I feel like I should use it
The three yr old girl I nanny grabbed a pole just now and is chanting "this is my house"
Sounds like you at that dive bar last weekend
I'm taking a shit break of discontent as a personal protest
Excuse me while I gouge out my eyes.
In which case my work here is done.
Drunk him got in a fight with his wife he literally bought a plane ticket and flew to Hawaii. He just called me and asked why I let it happen. From Hawaii hahaha.
I am rewearing my dress from last night. I only wore it for like two hours before fucking. And I took it off first so no cock contact. This is my new standard of cleanliness.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
Turns out the guy I did all that coke with the other night is a cop
We're dating now
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