You know if a vagina was a face, it'd be ugly as hell...
Yea i traded my bed for half a bag of jimmy johns jalepno chips, am I proud of it no, Am I happy I did it? yes
def just vomited mimosa in the gym trashcan. i weigh less already so i say its been a solid workout.
I hope this doesn't become one of those friendships where we dont have sex
The office pool is up to $500 if you take a shit in Frank's desk drawer. Time to change the unpaid internship into a cash cow.
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
Just purchased ketchup, body wash, and lube. Hope you're ready for the post-memorial-day-cookout-shower-anal.
How do I feel about a girl who has a g string tattooed on
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
In honor of Dennis Farina dying, I'm offering up free mustache rides...2 takers so far.
this hospital has no fireball
It's 1pm, she's in the shower, I don't have the guts tell her I wasn't her blind date. Someone got stood up.
Please don't throw the wedding bouquet at me
I just ate broccoli before drinking. Does that make me a responsible adult?
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
Randomize
