I saw an Asian dude carrying a patchwork denim purse get into a car with two rednecks at the grocery store tonight. Imagine what I could have seen if I had actually done something interesting.
This situation is one cop call away from being a Lifetime movie.
I just wasted my iTunes Gift Card on a season pass for Hannah Montana. Bad decision?
I got drunk and smashed his tv with the keg and so he blames me for being evicted.
facebook friend requested him the morning after while he was still asleep in my bed, a whole new level of creeper even for me
i'm reaslly not drunk enough to wtch the fat lesbian on my floor brng another fat lesbian dressed up as a bloody nurse into her room at 2am
I mean its not the first time I passed out drunk at barnes and noble.
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
If I don't go to Australia I'm using that towards a new car. If I do I'll use it to buy a koala.
I totally intended to come to the hotel, but I woke up in a parking lot
The struggle is real.
I have never thoroughly inspected the geometry of my nipples until now. How do I fix this?
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
Hey! Happy Birthday! Could you do me a favor and bring my underwear to the bar?
This is the worst drive ever. Im hungry, hungover, i gotta shit so bad, and the only radio station im getting clearly is playing alvin and the chipmunks christmas songs
Boredom is so much more tolerable when you're stoned off your ass.
Randomize
