all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
Draw a picture of yourself puking and peeing on her and give it to her with a note that sys this could be your future if you be my friend
She said "I only hook up with guys I'm dating"
So... What happend then?
We dated for an hour, i broke up with her after. BOOM.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
My mom's 50 year old alcoholic friend just told me about how she was more whoreish then us at our age. Challenge accepted.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
nothing says "functioning mature adult" like sneaking beer out of your mom's fridge in a lunchbox
I think Saturday night will always be a mystery to me, except for buying an excessive amount of birthday shots for everyone and yelling BIRTHDAY SHOTS before every shot.
I started dipping tositos in my screwdriver last night
then apparently I went "not bad" and continued
I am on my usual post-jerkoff high of eternal happiness. Like I could punch a fucking tiger.
How does one un superglue their foot to the floor
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I found myself looking up beard accounts while masturbating, I guess that's what it's come to.
Please don't give away my fajitas
So how often do you needs to see my tits today then?
Randomize