Instead of peeing my cute lil blue panties I peed in the train parking lot in front of an asian.
I just told the 2nd grade class leprechauns are the children of midgets.
Anytime you have a hot, flirty, married woman that wants to ride you like a horse and slap your ass, you've got to do it.
Yeah, but four times?
Just found a hole in my wall with your left shoe in it.
Just took my birth control pill next to the cubicle where we had sex last semester.
Like I had no idea he knew how to play girls the way he played me. His major is chemistry for christ's sake.
Throwing up so forcefully that toilet water hits you in the face is not what the Pilgrims and Indians had in mind for this holiday
Someone spilled vodka all over the elevator floor. Bring straws.
I don't want to die alone with cake watching shows about cake
Did I seriously kick a door down last night... And if so when where and how hard, cause that shit I do not recall.
I'm standing up, for my all my brothers and sisters, and fighting against whiskey dick.
I am going to go back to drinking and listneing to Hanson now. Maybe crying. Or perhaps Full House reruns
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
My ex boyfriend literally just asked "who needs porn?". This is EXACTLY why I dumped his ass.
I know her cup size but not her name....
Randomize
