I saw two morbidly obese women get winded after fighting over the last motorized wheelchair at Walmart
These are the moments in life you observe a force greater than us at work
margarita wednesday is really going to dip into new year's eve thursday
i've decided that sluts are like cars. they may look good as hell on the outside, but you never know what kind of shit is hiding under the hood.
it was really awkward..i thought he had two dicks, but later realized it was jsut his roommate
The sales associate looked at me funny for wobbling in the heels i was trying on until i told her i was trying to see how well i'd be able to drunk walk in these tonight
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
All I want is for every tall lanky young guy who is reading in a Starbucks to go balls deep in me. That's all.
OH MY GOD IT'S LIKE SHOOTING FISH IN A BARREL, EXCEPT INSTEAD OF FISH THEY ARE FIGHTER PILOTS
I remeber being on the roof last night and we put our heads togeather and we touched each others face and said "Hennessyyyy"
I took the pregnancy test for shits and giggles, but neither shits nor giggles were had.
I was really proud of me too last night! Found a discarded hamburger that I have no memory of at the foot of the bed. Instead of a Dude. I'm really growing as a person
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
I don't trust him but hanging out with him might be fun
he's literally satan but yeah probably
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
GOOD MORNING! This is your wake up call! Just incase this text wasn't enough, I had sex on your bed last night while you were drunk hitting on my sister. Dan jizzed on your pillow! We rubbed it on both sides! Now get up and go to class!
Randomize
