She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
proudest moment: just made a guy walk into a parked car with his mouth hanging open cause of the shirt im wearing.
I felt like Norm from Cheers walking into the free clinic.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
and then he said "my sister has the same underwear!" please come get me.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
we got plastered, then made lists of anything thats ever been in our vaginas
I know. Brad is upset because he was lower on the list than "that carrot stick"
But she tried her best to break my penis, so she has a few free passes with me
It was like coming out my mothers vagina again in slow motion
I want to go out and have good clean fun.
Ok, but that does not include Bud Light Platinum and your vagina.
Help me. My dealer just asked me to have a child with him. Sat me down for a heart to heart "he's almost 40 and losing his shit cause he's single and wants babies" talk. How the fuck am I supposed to feel about this????
I immediately retract my statement involving hylecopters being allowed to blow up sharks out of the water.... The idea if it is super incredible but ultimately it would be cruel and unessesary
Apparently I showed all your grooms men my vagina to prove I did not have underwear on. Awesome
they asked me about my neuroscience major and I said 'the brain is the outer space of the body' and passed out. it appears my ivy league education is not going to waste
He is 6'5, went to a Christian school and he's a violinist....I'm going to fuck the jesus right out of him.
Randomize
