Defiantly just threw away our yearly bottle collection in front of the campus tour. The school should pay me for recruitment
I just got my inseam measured in raffle tickets by a drag queen. Being fondled for charity is awesome.
GET THE DICK OUT OF YOUR MOUTH AND CHECK FACEBOOK.
oh my god i'm in a crawl space
i just had to pick up my 18 year old cousin from the police station for hosting a party, and i had to do this stoned wow
Just smoked the bong while taking a dump. I love living by myself.
A man can only lie in bed watching COPS for so long before he wants to do things that can lead him to starring on the show.
Topless Tuesday? One of us will be really happy the other not so much.
I found the guy I hooked up with last night on Wikipedia, at least now I know how old he is.
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
there's a 50/50 chance the night will end in alcohol-induced rituals of satanic nature
After she got off the phone with her mom she sprinted down the block screaming "I'M SO GOOD AT BEING A HUMAN!!!!!!!!!!!!!"
You ran up a $300 bar bill on his card and he didn't have you arrested, be grateful and move on.
I'm sorry i showed you my boobs.. I probably shouldn't have done that.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize
