I admire a woman who can maintain dignity while puking after too much whiskey
I swear coke makes your nose hairs grow out of control
what do kids with lesbian moms do for father's day? like do you talk about it? is it awkward? do you get the butchy mom a card?
The only thing I have to prove last night happened is a fireman's hat full of puke.
hickory dickory dock, please dont tell me about your cock
Here. I am here. I do not know where here is but it includes condom balloons, a keg castle, and a shaved goat. Do not find me...I am in post blackout heaven.
Well I will be attending the wedding with a flask of wine, potentially with a straw, and POM POMS for cheering purposes. Needless to say I will be well lubricated by your arrival..
I'm using the bullet from my cock ring to massage out my tmj lock jaw from giving too much head.
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I woke up in his bed wearing nothing but a penn state hat. We are....
I'm 10 cats away from completing my post divorce transformation.
it'll be like a game of Russian Roulette, but with my vagina.
Either my boss has an enormous dick or he’s hiding a can of tennis balls in his bike shorts
Maybe I will go to the company picnic
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