his mom walked in while I was blowing him. he turned around in panic and accidentally punched me in the face. i have a black eye and only half the clothes i came here in. can you give me a ride?
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
We just watched planet earth in marine bio. And our prof told us that was all we were doing on 420
There is a keg full of gin. THERE SHOULD NEVER EVER BE A KEG FULL OF GIN.
The National Anthem was on so I had to have a beer
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
He literally is quoting that 21 questions song, the 50 cent one. oh my god.
how many past hook-ups can i invite to go bar hopping with me for my b-day before it becomes a bad idea?
Two words. Shotgunning Cognac.
This has already gotten way out of hand
I'm driving up the street and can't tell if my ears are actually about to pop or not.
A solid 8.5 on the baked meter, I need to stop.
And our DD is passed out in the bathtub with the curtain closed. What happened tonight
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
It's a "nonproductive" (vocab word) cough. It's like a constant tickle in my throat, like there's a little elf with feathers for feet going Gangnam style on my "uvula" (vocab word).
Why does everyone always assume I'm fucking their boyfriends?
You are fucking her boyfriend.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
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