I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
biggest mistake ever: halloween 2009
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
please don't go to jail. I'd hate to have to call the montgomery county jail every time I need sex advice
...and all my boxers are outside in the snow because????
Why am I the only one concerned that there's a dog in the movie theatre?
okay, please tell me Cammy is the one who put the picture and note on my desk saying "beat off to this homeboy"
if you do the accent, i'll wear the eyepatch
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
I think my ph in my vagina is actually off from the lack of sex I've had this break compared to finals week.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I thought if I bought the most expensive pregnancy test I would look like I had my life together
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
YOU ARE THE ONLY PERSON I KNOW THAT STEALTH CLEANS PEOPLE TOILETS
I just put on the jeans I was wearing last night and pulled 4 baby carrots out of my back pocket....
Randomize
