all i know is i woke up with a braid in my hair and i vaguely remember a cab driver telling me he would give me $10,000 to get him a green card. and he would take me to turkey. and give me free cab rides. im never drinking on my medicine again. lol.
if I see one grey pube I'm spitting his penis out!
Watching this movie and saying "drink every time you see an animal" was a bad idea...circle of life...holy crap
is it a bad thing if he can only get off when i start talking like one of the girls from Jersey Shore??
Who spends 33 dollars at Taco Bell and lives???
Do you think it'd be inappropriate to have an I'm Not Keeping My Baby Party the day after her baby shower?
She called me in the morning crying, but I was busy cleaning up bird guts, very hungover. It was a very surreal morning.
Just walked into the bathroom and looked straight ahead and made eye contact with a guy taking a shit through the crack in the stall door...
Def something wrong w taking plan b with your daughters juice box
I told my manager I was trying to conserve my energy for date night/Sexual Olympics later. That's legit for another break, right?
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
By NOT going to the gym, I'm helping my future. I don't want stripping, prostitution, or porn to be viable money making options.
Dude I puked in a snow bank and then fell face first into it
It all started with a game of naked twister.
I wonder how horrible I look to customers. There's cuts all over my face and I can't talk.
What are the cuts from? Head-butting the bathroom light fixture?
Honestly that's best case scenario.
Randomize
