Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
Just saw a man jogging. For recreation. At 3am. Who's he training to be, batman?
Just checked, might have creepy crawlies. What does chlamydia feel like? Not near wireless to consult webMD.
we got back to my place and he started talking about feelings. i politely told him to leave and that he managed to cock block himself.
do you remember waking up from your blackout, kissing me ever so softly on the stomach, and saying "i love you bro. so much," then passing back out?
Only mom could turn an abortion day into a shopping day
well other than the faint smell of fireworks in the truck you can't really tell the windshield was exploded
It must have been an amazing night, I have "my pants are responsible people" written on my pants in permanent marker.
I woke up half naked on the floor next to his bed, and his cat was staring at me like it had seen everything that i myself don't remember..
I understand why animals eat their young in the wild after watching your kid this afternoon
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Don't worry dude, I've created a sex logic bomb to stop that sort of thing.
Chicks dig it when you smell like bong water and frebreeze.
He has a syndrome called asshole. And it flares up 24/7.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
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