the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
i just googled 'classy porn'. high, low, i dunno i just got bored of cum shots.
I would like to remind you that Mike's hard lemonade only goes good with an extra light cigarette and seminal fluid.
Just called my mom. She definitely saw all those fb statuses so thanks for that.
Haha did she know what fisting meant?
Yeah. Which is upsetting in itself
just drew up plans to mow my front lawn into the American flag for world cup. that high and patriotic.
He just slept in my bed for a couple hours and asked lots of questions about gay sex. No, I do not have his number.
It's very clear that i'm the girl sweating out four lokos at 2 in the afternoon at the gym
Became best friends with the hotdog stand creeper outside the bar. Cried and told him my feet hurt too much to walk home then begged him to hire me.
Yeah, but there's no serving sizes for dick.
remember our old mantra: why can't life be as easy as we are?
I wonder how he feels knowing that he's the one who turned me gay
I asked my mom if she could pick up something for me to drink since we ran out of orange juice and she goes "We have beer, champagne, and baileys. Drink one of those."
By far the fardest thing to do drunk is open a band aid
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
hypothetically, what's the best method to remove an stray semen gob from a roommate's important school document?
Randomize
