Moving to Utah. Got sick of alcohol and have a severe wife shortage.
Whore.
I was being facetious
Don't try to hide behind big words.
I fucking hate vegan toaster pastries. You don't fuck with poptarts. It's like baseball...it's the backbone of american sport and you don't change it. Poptarts are the backbone of american fatasses and you don't just go changing them.
What drug did you take that made the cabinets scream at you?
she must wash her vagina with a dirtier vagina
not sure what i find more disconcerting, your text or the fact that i recognized that as a dane cook quote
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
I said I usually like going out for coffee before torturing someone's genitals. He said he understood.
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
Dude. The amount of love and appreciation from a house full of stoners when you come home at 4 am with donuts is overwhelming. The kind of love to make Jesus have to work a little harder at his unconditional love thing.
I just saw two homeless guys bond over the fact that they both use Crown Royal bags as wallets in Burger King.
I warned you. Don't come crying to me when your vagina refuses to forgive you for this.
Just realized Ive never seen my f buddy in the daylight. What if he looks different?
Wish me luck. My vagina needs it.
May his noodley appendage touch you.
Day one of being single and I've came three times. I can get used to this.
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
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