PS- did you die? If you did just text "dead" to me, so that I know.
don't bother texting me at 10. my pants WILL be off and I'm not putting them back on to come see you.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Right now im sitting at home and all i can think about is im eating calories and i should be out drinking them.
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
That point of drunk where you're in a bar bathroom and you're like "F*ck you bra! I'm not taking your sh*t anymore! and you take it off and throw it in a trashcan.
I was trying to fart in my sleep in the hopes that he would leave
well I tackled her when she was going to go upstairs because I was convinced that the house was haunted. You gotta stick together in horror movies.
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
I wouldn't hesitate to give up my job to have regular bowel movements again
I should stop using "Braveheart would do it" as a basis for decision making...
How my distance relationship is going: he's trying to sext me & I'm stuffing pizza in my face.
He asked when the last time I had sex was. I had to look at the clock and respond "12 hours ago"
I just dropped a chicken nugget on the floor and seriously prayed that it would be ok....I think this job is making me crazy.
After he came, he took a two minute power nap and then fucked me for another 45 minutes. He is a machine!
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