My farts woke her up so I pretended to be keep sleeping.
The smartest thing I've heard Obama do is call Kayne West a jackass
and hes going back to rehab like me, so we have common interests
NC is no longer selling 190 proof Everclear. We are officially no longer the greatest state.
his blanket is still in the back seat of my car, its like a constant reminder of his small penis
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
apparently dick flashing is a frowned upon sport here..... sorry girlfriends mom
All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
Want me to give your number to an army recruiter?
I don't know... do you want me to use your number to sell used gay porn on Craigslist?
I sense beginning a prank war would end badly for both of us.
Evidently I told a girl she should leave the bar because no one wanted to fuck her.
I started rolling down the window so he pulled into a gas station and i puked all over the side of the car while some dude stared at me. I waved and we drove away
I think id rather titty fuck an A cup than deal with what happened tonight again. shits depressing
I survive off of bourbon and the tears of others only
I am eating a king sized snickers in the strip club. Good morning.
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Randomize
