Can a clitoris grow tomatoes? Its symbolic and rhetorical.
yeah it's now facebook official. i can no longer pretend shes my girl on the side
my bed looks and feels like i need to buy plan b.
I'm cleaning the house. And I can't stop listening to Enrique Iglesias. Am I gay?
I even have the new album if that helps you make a decision.
I am wasted and people are fist pumping. This should not happen on the west coast.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
Woke up laying in the kitchen floor with a cup in one hand and the beer tap in the other. Guess I just needed that one last beer.
I'm gonna lurk in the mother fucking bushes and watch karma take him down like a gimpy gazelle.
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The staples of my diet are Labatt Blue, Xanax, and brick cheese.
I should have never moved out...
So I'll be starting a scrapbook from all the mugshots of the guys I've slept with
Serious question, on a scale of go for it to what the fuck are you thinking, what's me going to a monk or any religious official and saying "baptize me daddy" in a serious voice?
I woke up with a captain's hat on my desk.
Don't drink and try to take a shower. I thought I was drowning
and by running errands I mean eating an entire bag of milanos by myself in the Walmart parking lot
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