i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
I think I have swimmer's ear. From his tongue.
why weren't you at the audition last night?
booty call before role call
Made a joint out of my Yale rejection letter. Life is grand.
Just woke up. My philosophy paper is a play, and my paper for musical theater is about physics. That's some dank shit you sold me
I feel like college is just an experience in what names I can't name my future son.
Pretty sure i didnt get thrown out cause why dont i have more bloody areas
Someone in a vagina costume on campus.
Yeah, sam & jessica were trying to have sex and you walked in & started coaching them through it with a fake hulk hogan mustache on.
if you really don't think our country's going to shit think of this. Exactly one year from now I will either be in law school or teaching young, impressionable kids, maybe even yours. Try to sleep after that.
So I'm drunk playing pool in a bar with a guy I arrested last week for a DUI...if he recognizes me, shit's gonna get real.
I think ur a lot drunker then u think u are. That girl has the body of a cartoon character and not in a good way.
And for those of you keeping score at home this is the 7th time I've found Casey passed out head first in a bowl of chips at a party I didn't even know she was at
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
"keg stand!" on a roof abruptly turned into "call the medics"
Randomize
