Dude I just picked up a married chick while her husband was playing pool.
What do you mean you picked her up? How are you gonna leave the bar?
I didn't. I fucked her in the men's room. Come get me before he finds out.
Not only did I see you last night, you had me help you meet women by convincing them you were deaf and only I understood your sign language
no... you woke up naked next to the toilet because you said your outfit was too cute to throw up in
I couldnt decide if i wanted to pee first or vomit. So i Peed sideways while throwing up into the tub.
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
They high fived mid Eiffel Tower, then we all proceeded to talk about how our friendship is much stronger now. I'd say a successful first threesome.
I think we should have realized the night was going to be nuts when it started with a bum dying in front of my house.
He's a fucking asshole. Who gives good head. And seriously I have never seen someone less committed to hair color
There was so much jailbait at the festival that there was no other option but to drink my morals away
That moment when your whole family facetimed you just moments before you threw up all over the entire living room
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
He was so fat that he broke two of my ribs
Maybe it's time to stop screaming I'm a chubby chaser every time you enter a drinking establishment
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
If I end up in the hospital remind me to order jimmy johns.
Why?
They deliver.
Randomize
