you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
Please come to History lecture. The kid two seats over is belligerently drunk.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Saw someone get laid in the bathroom no one was wearing shoes and I had a parrot on my shoulder...I never want to leave this bar
Won't anyone wonder why I'm mute, bald, and wearing an eye patch?
I'd rather just be alone, than deal with this bullshit. I just want to be alone. Cats and vibrators never let you down.
I'm drunk at a gay bar with my riding crop. God save the queens
If your wondering why there is a puddle on the floor is I may have decided to make a kiddie pool in your living room.
You told me to remind you that the bruise on your ass is from when you danced on the table at Ziggy's, saw a cop and tried to 'fly away'.
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
She tried doing a backflip and ended up doing somersaults down the entire stair case.
He just showed up in boxer briefs and loafers with only his phone and condoms
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
Randomize
