I found my crush's facebook page. And his wife's. Apparently they are still in love. Of all the people to have happy marriages! Fuck, I'm depressed.
I never doubt that you might be drinking at any moment.
Judging by what's in the bathroom right now, I see you graced us with your presence last night.
i was told that i was found face down in a plate of ketchup at the dinner table
Was it a good night or a bad night when you have to apologize to someone the next day for trying to fuck them with a turtle?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
i have nothing going on in my life. unless a toxic love triangle with netflix and jack daniels counts.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
it doesn't matter what you do now, you will forever be known as the girl who fell off the roof
nooooo! we need to brain storm. I need rebranding....what if I start always showing up with my cat or a wacky hat?
try again roofio
The logic in me says "don't text him" .But the vagina in me says "text him".
Randomize
