things it involved: vodka, boy parts, possible photos of me on a cell phone. things it did NOT involve last night: my bra, his pants, and sobriety.
Small Doughy Asian men and sleeveless hoodies with nothing underneath do not mix well.
Sounds like the climatic scene of my favorite erotic novel.
I got to watch him fuck me from behind in the reflection of an ornament. so glad I decorated.
Oh and apparently TSA has to open your present from my family or the terrorists win
He just left me a message saying he left the rest of the weed for me. Did i just get paid for sex? And if yes did i just get paid in drugs?
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
I've been laying here all day wondering why my back hurt so bad and then I remembered last night.... When you pushed me through that glass table.
Wearing scrubs to buy plan b so I look like I have my life together.
Hows cali? I thought of you as I shaved 1/4 of my legs last night.
Every time you visit for the weekend I end up having to bleach my entire house after.
I thought I was bad, the girl next to me on the bench was feeding a bush a hamburger and introduced me. Only at lollapalooza.
She was dressed as a banana and told me that I needed more potassium in my diet. Of course I went down on her.
Your participation in the democratic process makes me horny AF
because nothing says “let’s fucking rage” like getting a compensation letter and some company stock
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