but the lizard people decide everything anyway
He took naked pictures of me and told me if I ever got to the Disney Channel level of fame he would help me out. I think i'm in love
Just wanted to remind you that you literally cut the underwear off a man.
When are you comin back?
probably mid next week, depending on when i finish my remaining half gallons
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
A stranger just came up to me and asked why I hadn't texted him, and if he was just a one night stand. I live for these moments.
yeah the little voice in my head screaming YOU NEED TO GET LAID eventually grew legs and started kicking me so to avoid brain damage i had to fuck him
I found your knife. It was stuck in my bedroom ceiling.
If I were you I'd use my green card to do more coke and less talking
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I didn't know where we were going to start fucking, so I just strategically hid condoms all over the house before he came over.
you're welcome to come here, except my beds from ikea so it's more unstable than i am
One lone grasshopper in the whataburger bathroom. Don't know how it got there. Scared the fuck out of me. Also puked over the side of the silverado fence. The horses looked disappointed. Animal magnetism is beautiful. You taught me well. I love you.
There's a pregnant girl taking shots of apple juice
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
Randomize
