Haym$ered
turn off your phone and go to bed
hot mess party of 2 ur bar is now available
i'm pretty sure i lost all sex appeal when he caught me peeing in his bushes
I just fucked my ex's ex's ex. Love quadrilateral complete
I obviously couldn't but this on your fbook wall. I would get judge. I would willingly get tbagged by him. You can quote me on that.
As added birth control I warned him that if he knocked me up tonight I would name the baby Truck.
last night a police horse bit me when i was wasted. even the animal kingdom knows i'm no good
We were fucking at break-dick speeds.
The most humiliating part was that I farted while he was tasing me.
I'm gonna try Jim's breakup remedy this weekend.
Is that the one where you drink 3 cases of beer and rewatch as much WWE RAW as you can find? Or the one where you hookup with fatties on Craigslist?
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
That's just how I roll. I drink, then tell people I'm either not wearing underwear or I'm training to be a stripper.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
I would cock slap so many things if I had a cock.
Randomize
